There is a reason why – on the airline safety laminate – it tells you, that in an emergency you must put your oxygen mask on before helping children. It may sound unethical to sort yourself out first, but if you are overcome with smoke and unable to help anyone else, the situation becomes much worse.
In our journey to becoming caring adults, we are largely taught to put other’s before ourselves – and that’s a good thing; it encourages us to think about the well-being of people around us – and if everyone did that, the world would undoubtedly be a better place. However, for those who wear their heart on their sleeve, this can become a draining experience.
In emotional and mental health terms, people with high levels of empathy will always be there for people close to them who need support, but these care givers are the people who are easily drained when stress reaches them – and that stands to reason; if you are drained of the good stuff, your ability to bounce back from difficult mental and emotional situations can be severely compromised.
Self-care – managing yourself – helps mitigate internal issues from getting worse. This comes with being aware of your own limitations, energy levels and feelings. People who put others ahead of their own needs often fall into a pit of low confidence and again, this is because their focus is aimed outward rather than inward. For such people, asking for help can conflict against their own values. Which is why it is important to keep an eye on the people who look after you…
Keeping a mood diary is a great idea; this allows you to track the balance between good and bad days, moods changes, or when difficult situations are overcome. There are some great apps which help to keep track of such information – it is a really interesting exercise to look back and see whether the feelings and emotions of the day correlate after time, thought and reflection.
Relaxation and self-time are words which are not common to people who are always on hand to sort other-peoples issues. When I have this conversation with clients, the notion of dedicated time is often an alien thought or dismissed completely. I am always surprised at how little time people commit to themselves. Clients come to therapy because they have lost balance; I see people when they are suffering with a lack of confidence, exhaustion and frustration, which is why you-time should not be something to be ashamed of.
Technology doesn’t help either; being there for other people is great, until the phone never stops ringing. When the phone is non-stop, simple areas of self need such as food and sleep are often compromised; so is it any wonder that people who wear their heart on their sleeve get exhausted and run down in no time?
You-time is a topic which is often approached early on in a therapeutic relationship. Together we’ll work toward better self worth, positive time management and self-care. Re-assessing and re-building structure puts you in a better position to continue offering your support to family, friends and colleagues, without draining your own resources.
Putting yourself first is far from being selfish. People rely on your empathy, support and good will more than you probably realise.
To discuss any part of this blog, how I can help you, or your mental and emotional concerns, feel free to email or call me for a private and confidential conversation:
Duncan Ellison 